By 2030 the largest vessel on earth may be a motor yacht if current growth trends ? and the casting aside of any form of taste ? continue.

This prediction was reached by The General Alarm through mining the historical record of ten years ago, when some boat named Rising Sun was considered the largest yacht at 138m; then taking the difference in length between this and the soon-to-be-launched Triple Deuce (222m) and multiplying it by a complicated factor of bad taste and irascible hubris. Which arrives us at a 500m pleasure vessel.

With results as eye-catching as these being spat out by the models our investigative team ran the numbers deep into the night and both times arrived at the same conclusion: People are ridiculous.

?The critical design challenge in constructing a yacht of that size will be the same as it is with every large yacht; namely: How do we make it not look like a giant white turd of excess. Or a blue one. Or any kind of turd really.? Says Patrice De Regle, the only person who would talk to us about this who knows what a yacht is and has a knowledgeable sounding name. ?And such a large yacht is a very hard thing to hide indeed. Especially when you are trying to show it off.?

Excrement-emulation difficulties aside, there will be other issues with this vessel we dreamed up and are now wasting your time discussing. Among them: How would you locate the bathroom? Where will you find a captain with hands large enough to drive it? And; What ports will possibly be able to accommodate such a thing. Cursory research to the last question reveals there is currently only one place in the world that this potential behemoth could visit; Galveston, Texas. Raising serious concerns ? and hope ? that perhaps it just won?t be worth it.